On My Mind Lately...

So as of lately I have been thinking a lot about "The Mommy Wars." Some of you may have heard of them. For those that have not, "The Mommy Wars" was a term that was originally used to describe the controversy between working moms and stay-at-home moms. Lately, this term is being used to describe other parenting issues such as breast feeding vs. formula feeding.  This post is not to add to the "Mommy Wars," but it is my own personal thoughts over the last few weeks. I am not saying my way is best, I am just writing down my thoughts about how it is okay for every mom to raise their child differently. 

Moms are posting on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. what they believe are the best ways to be raising children. My own social media feeds are blowing up with pictures, research, and links to articles that are supposed to be the best ways to be raising babies, and for some, it is exactly the right way, but for others, it may not be. 

After  reading the shared articles and realizing that I am not doing what the "experts" say I should be doing, I am left with a nagging thought in the back of mind, wondering if I am being the best mom I can be to my son. I quit nursing my son after two months, yep that is right he is 100% formula fed and has been since October. Now I know that "breast is best," but I was one of those women who had all different kinds of problems with nursing. It was one problem after another and I was completely miserable. I did do it for two months and I tried to keep an open mind, but in the end I just couldn't do it. Kason also preferred the bottle and nursing him was a battle. For the sake of my marriage and the relationship with my baby, I quit the nursing and moved to the bottle. It has been great, we are all happy. I am no longer miserable and crying to my husband every time I feed the baby, and the baby loves his bottles. 

 I started feeding him rice cereal at 3 1/2 months instead of waiting until 4-6 months. I started feeding him fruits and vegetables at 4 months. Guess what? He loves the cereal, fruits, and veggies. He hasn't developed any allergies and he is fuller longer. He is not screaming every hour and a half because he is hungry. He also sleeps through the night because those stay with him longer. 

 He has been sleeping in his own crib in his own room down the hall since he was 1 month old. Now I know that you are supposed to wait until they are 6 months old to move them into a crib in their own room, but we all sleep better with our rooms. When we go on trips, Kason sleeps in the same room as us, and he doesn't sleep as good as he does at home. When Kason shares a room with Jake and I, none of us get as much sleep. Our noises and movements wake him up, and vice versa. That first month when Kason was in our room I would hear every movement he made and would wake up and feed him. He wasn't always really awake, and we were waking up more than we probably had to. He would whimper a little and I would think he was awake and hungry and so I would flip on the light which would really wake him up. Now that  he is in his room I can't hear every little whimper and I only wake up when he cries and I know he is really awake. I walk down the hall and take care of things in his room. My husband who is in school and working also sleeps better because I am not flipping on the light and making noise. He sleeps so much better in his own room and so do I. 

 Dare I say it?  I put him to sleep on his belly. Yes, you read that right, I put my baby to bed on his belly. For the first 3 months I put him on his back which worked alright, but after Kason had his surgery and he had his helmet on, "Back to Bed" was not working for us. On the back of Kason's helmet there is a large strap that holds the two pieces of the helmet together, and every time I laid him down he would jolt awake because he was uncomfortable in the helmet. The large strap made it impossible for him to lay flat and the helmet would dig into his neck. After several nights of him being up every hour because he was uncomfortable, I finally put my fears aside and put him to bed on his belly. He slept so much better! I was so scared to do this because it is a big "no-no," but he was so uncomfortable and he was rolling to his belly by himself in his crib anyway so I decided to try it one night. I must have checked on him 30 times that night because I was so nervous, but he did just fine, he loved it. I was put to bed on my belly and I survived.

All of these "confessions" go against all of the expert articles that I have read. So is my baby not bonding with me like he should be because he isn't breast fed and he sleeps in his own room? I don't think so! We have plenty of play time and I enjoy looking and smiling at him when he drinks his bottle. For those that do choose to co-sleep, that is great! I just couldn't do it! 

Only within the last week or so have I realized that yes, I may be doing it differently than some, but I am not a bad mom. There is not a one size fits all for raising a baby. What is important is that as a mother I am listening to my baby and my instinct and I am doing what is best for us. I think each mom knows what is best when it comes to her child.  I have a happy, healthy, six month old who is thriving.  I have nothing to be ashamed of. Sure, I may not be doing the same thing as other moms, but that is okay. I love my son, and I am pretty sure he loves me, and that is what is important. 

I know that Kason came to our family because we are the best fit for him, and him for us. Babies go to the families that will be the best at raising them. Each mom raises their child differently, and it works for them. I know that now, I don't have to be doing it the same as everyone else. I just need to be me, and I am raising Kason in the best way for him.