Happy Cranioversary!

What is a cranioversary you ask? Well it is like an anniversary in that it happens once a year, and the cranio part of the word is for craniosynostosis. So putting them together means that we have hit our one year mark since Kason's cranio surgery. Whoa! Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday it was October 22, 2013 when he was just 9 weeks old and we were handing him over to the anesthesiologist for brain surgery. As I think back on that day, to me, my life seemed to be shattering into pieces uncontrollably, and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. I was angry, sad, stressed, and above all, scared.  I was scared out of my mind. I didn't feel old enough to be the responsible parent signing surgery consent forms and getting insurance squared away. I felt like I should be the kid and my mom should have been taking care of all of that.  But no, I was the adult with the new baby.  I was the new mom who didn't have a clue as to what was going on, I was the new mom that was angry that it was her baby who needed major surgery. I had no idea what to expect.  I haven't spent too much time in hospitals, I have never had surgery, it scared me to not know what was going to be happening to my sweet baby boy. So there we were shiny brand new parents sitting in a hospital waiting room while people who were complete strangers operated on our baby. Don't get me wrong, our surgeons were wonderful, and we had heard great things about them, but we really didn't know them or know their ability to operate on such a fragile human being.  And that was scary to me. I spent the entire hour and half hoping and praying that they were skilled surgeons and that they would see my baby through. And they did.

 That night I spent in recovery with Kason was probably one of the longest nights of my life. I have spent many nights before and after that night with Kason, but none have compared to that night.  Only one parent could stay the night. I knew that parent was supposed to be me, but I have a confession, I didn't want it to be me. I wanted it to be Jake.  I was scared to be left alone with our post-op baby all night without Jake's help.  I was scared to touch or hold him because he was in so much pain. I knew that since I was his mother it was expected of me to comfort him because he was hurting, but I was scared that I wouldn't be able to do that. I was scared that Kason wouldn't be comforted by me and then I would really feel like a failure.  But I sucked it up and stayed the night. I laid awake most of the night listening to the beeping of Kason's monitor that indicated that he was still alive and well. When I did manage to sleep I was either awakened by Kason crying or by the nurses that came in several times that night to give him more pain medications and check his vitals. It definitely was a long night, but it was where I needed to be.

A few hours after surgery

Just after the pain meds kicked in....finally!

This experience  has changed me in a few ways. In my post- "Kason's Cranio" I mentioned that I wasn't grateful for our trial. I wasn't ready to be. But now, I am grateful.  It has made me more grateful in many ways. I am grateful now that it was craniosynostosis. Cranio is very curable, some children and parents don't get that. I am grateful in that it made me realize that I can handle tough situations, especially when they are not ideal. It has made me grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who helps us through those trials.  He comforted me, protected Kason, saw Kason through surgery, and gave us little reminders that he hadn't left us.

Since I am writing as a celebration of one year since surgery, I should probably put in a happy paragraph about Kason now. Kason is now 14 months old and is sweet little guy.  He is still so happy and friendly. He runs around like an Olympic runner ( I can barely keep up with him!) He is doing what little boys do I guess, getting into trouble and getting lots of scrapes and bruises. He still loves playing with balls.  He loves to play basketball with his dad. He also loves anything with a motor, cars, trucks, four-wheelers, boats, and tractors. He loves to make the "Vroom" noise whenever he sees anything that makes that noise.  He is very good at giving hugs and kisses when he is in the mood and slows down long enough to want to. He also unfortunately loves to play in the toilet. Ugh....what a mess! He is so bright and smart. We love him to death, he makes our home bright (for the most part!)

He loves watching Utah football games with Dad

He loves tractors because they say "Vroom!"

He is so big now! Look at the round head!